The Order of the Teacup

The Order of the Teacup first began as a thread in the Star Trek Online forums. It was founded on July 23, 2009, by trebort5050. The first thread lasted for 337 pages before being archived by Cryptic at the release of the open beta stage of the game. Being a resilient breed, the Teacuppers merely decided to move, and created a thread on the new forums, which lasted for a mere 8 pages before being archived again, this time for the release of the game. The thread was locked to prevent posting, so after a brief return to the original thread, the Teacuppers prevailed yet again, and opened their third and current thread on the new forums. This thread was opened on February 2, 2010 by 128hoodmario, since Trebort seemed to have disappeared for a few days. This thread was apparently here to stay, and continues to be an active meeting place for all the residents of Teacup Land.

The Teacup
''This section of the page is currently being researched by Princess Teska in the Royal Archives, she will be completing it as soon as possible. Please don't touch. Thank you!''

"Yes... I have had power thrust upon me. (I feel like Susan Boyle)"

And with those solemn words, our illustrious leader, King Trebort, commanded the Order of the Teacup into existence. We came from humble beginnings, we Teacuppers. Although King Trebort originally founded the Order to protect himself from the evil Parallax, it soon became much more. The first one to join was the Unknown Gorn Captain. Trebort knighted him, and so it began.

The Order of the Teacup is devoted to the worship and defense of the One True Holy Teacup. This teacup was first held by Captain Sulu of the starship Excelsior in the year 2293. It was thought to be destroyed when a shock wave caused by the destruction of the Klingon moon Praxis hit the ship and caused the precious teacup to fall and shatter. But such was not the case. The Teacup was constructed by a little-known Chinese company. Strangely enough, all records of said company were lost shortly after the tea set was shipped. The true creator of the Teacup remains unknown, but what we have discovered is this: the Teacup was most definitely not destroyed in 2293, and it is composed of a material unlike any that our scientists have ever encountered. It is presumed that this material is what gives it it’s incredible power, and that the strange disappearance of the china company that made it indicates that it could have possibly come from another dimension, possibly even from a race much more advanced than our own. No one knows why a mysterious powerful race would give us the Teacup. All we really know is that it was found by Trebort at a jumble sale in 2408. How it got there no one knows; the strange little Chinese lady running the sale claimed to have never seen it before, and told him to keep it.

In the beginning...
And so our story begins…

The Order of the Teacup had a very rocky start, with the evil Parallax constantly trying to take over the throne of Teacup Land. The troll Vox of the House of Vox was the royal flogger, and the Teacup’s first real subject. Next came Hoodmario, who offered his services as Omnipotent Tribble Slayer; and after him Arsinoe. The first battle with the evil Parallax lasted only a few days, and Trebort’s first act as King was to command that a castle be built for him and the Holy Teacup. Unfortunately, in all the business of constructing the new castle, Parallax convinced Vox to join him, and together they kidnapped the Teacup and held it for ransom, after giving it to the Dread Pirate Stormshade for safe-keeping. Parallax, in his evilness, began to mass-produce copies of the Teacup, thereby confusing everyone, including himself, as to which of the Teacups was real. Meanwhile, the Unknown Gorn Captain was fried and eaten by Hoodmario and Arsinoe after threatening to eat them. Unfortunately, he came back as a ghost. It was shortly after this that Teska entered the scene, and presented her plea, with Arsinoe’s support, to enter the Order of the Teacup to King Trebort. She was the first woman to join the Order, and pleased the King, so he made her Duchess of Ruby Island. On July 28, Knight Commander Arsinoe found the Holy Saucer, which was thought to have been lost forever. It was wrapped in bubble wrap and put in the royal safe.

All was well in the Order of the Teacup, until the Unknown Gorn Captain rebelled and became an advocate of the Coffee Mug. Shortly after his rebellion, the Antagonist appeared, and joined him in supporting the Coffee Mug. Together they created quite a stir, until Cloaked Warbird, Baron of the Teacup, chopped off the Unknown Gorn Captain’s head. Unfortunately, he continued to throw coffee beans at various members, so the Baron was forced to chop off his arms as well. Meanwhile, the Antagonist hid in a barrel until the fighting was over, and was accidentally shipped off to the outposts on the coast. And then dawn broke upon Teacup Land, and a deal was struck between King Trebort and the evil Parallax. The Holy Teacup was returned to its rightful place, in exchange for King Trebort’s uniform. A decoy was secretly put to replace the one in the Dread Pirate Stormshade’s possession, and all was well.

It was at this time that a pair of Andorian girls (twins!) happened upon our sacred land. Their names were Elta and Zletha, and they pleased the King, and Elta wrote beautiful Teacup poetry, so he invited them to join us. Meanwhile a rather perplexing problem had arisen. The Unknown Gorn Captain was still headless and armless, yet alive. Parallax therefore offered to rebuild him, stating “I will rebuild him. I have the technology. I have the capability to build the world's first teacup man. Unknown Gorn Captain will be that man. Better than he was before. Better, stronger, faster.” And so became the very first Teaborg. He had an oversized replica of the Teacup for a head, and mini-guns for arms. The Teaborg was made the official bodyguard of King Trebort and the teacup, and Parallax was given the position Minister of Science. A Teacup Crusade was begun, to convince the Devs to join our cause, using hot sticky buns to lure them in, but unfortunately, it was largely unsuccessful, resulting only in the addition of Rekhan to our ranks. However the promise of sticky buns brought in others as well, including K’raq of the Klingon Empire.

Several weeks later, an unknown assailant deposited a miniature dog in a teacup on the front step of Castle Teacup, intending for it to spawn evil in the minds of the Teacup’s followers. He was thwarted however, and the dog became the mascot of Teacup Land, and given the title Prince Bogglesworth. Many days went by, and all was peaceful in Teacup Land. The Princess was temporarily kidnapped and taken to the Land of Incredibly Boring Picnics, but she was then returned, with no harm done. In the meantime, it was discovered that Duchess was considered a bad word by the evil Devs and Community Reps, therefore Princess Teska wrote a formal letter of complaint to Cryptic, who then removed the ban. At this time the King decided that we should have a map of Teacup Land, therefore Telvorn was called upon to draw one, and was thereupon given the title of Royal Cartographer. A preliminary map was drawn up, and placed on the newly created website until such time as the real one could be finished. Also for the website, a motto was created, “Per Venia of Deus quod Sanctus Docui”. The gemstones of Teacup land were announced to be diamonds, rubies, emeralds, topaz, and sapphires.

Eventually a man by the name of Sarreous arrived, and began to attempt to sway the people over to the side of the Coffee Mug. He was quickly captured and taken to the dungeons, where he was pelted with cold used teabags while being interrogated by King Trebort. He refused to recant however, and therefore had his pinkie fingers cut off by K’raq and given to Arsinoe, to be used in stew. Fortunately this caused him to reconsider, and he soon agreed to give up his evil coffee ways. The Teacup was in grave danger for a short while, as the Teaborg’s circuitry went awry and he began to toss the Teacup up in the air and catch it again. He was shot with a makeshift wooden bazooka filled with gunpowder (his only weakness) and rebuilt, with his programming changed to ensure that he remained loyal to the Teacup. On a cold, dark, rainy night, the one called Torchar returned, after having been gone for nearly a month, in search of the Holy Jeweled Teaspoon. He was successful in his quest, and the Jeweled Teaspoon was wrapped in bubble wrap and placed in the safe.

The discovery of the Jeweled Teaspoon was an inspiration to all, and soon Duke Arsinoe set out to find the Mother of His Holiness, the Holy Teapot, which was rumored to be held in CoffeeBean Land. The troops he brought with him were sent on foot, because they had become slightly chubby after eating too much of Arsinoe’s stew. Antagonist had by this time converted his barrel into a fortress, which was located in the Latte Swamps. He engaged the Giant Barrel Fortress’s cloak and laid in wait for Arsinoe and his troops, intending to steal the Teapot from them after they found it. After a long hard search, they found her, and wrapped her in bubble wrap to bring her home. This news was communicated to King Trebort via messenger pigeons, along with the fact that the evil Antagonist was leading the minions of King Mocha in a chase, to capture the Holy Mother Teapot. At this time, Antagonist also sent a messenger pigeon to King Trebort carrying a letter which stated thus:


 * “Dear Trebort and the teacup land denizens; I regret to inform you that I will reach the teapot before you, and when I have it, I will never give it up! The reason for this is that it would go good next to my


 * cappuccino machine.


 * Sincerely,


 * -the Antagonist”

Shortly thereafter the Antagonist stole the Holy Teapot from Arsinoe, and began to fire cats at him and his troops from his ship the Botany Bay. Fortunately, Arsinoe had hidden the true Holy Teapot, and the one Antagonist stole was actually a clever replica. The Holy Teapot was brought home to Castle Teacup, where it was studied by Princess Teska and declared to be real, whereupon it was re-wrapped in bubble wrap and place in the royal safe, along with the Royal Jeweled Teaspoon and the Holy Saucer.

At this time an ambassador was sent from King Mocha to discuss a treaty between Teacup Land and CoffeeBean Land. Upon arriving, the ambassador stated “I, the ambassador of CoffeeBean Land, who is definitely not the Antagonist in disguise, have now arrived to discuss the...um...thingy...going on between our respective nations.” Unfortunately, it appeared that the Antagonist intercepted the wrong man, as Arsinoe had already spoken with the ambassador earlier that day. He therefore quickly fled. Arsinoe was at this time much troubled, as King Mocha’s ambassador had offered him a high-ranking post at his court in CoffeeBean Land. Meanwhile Antagonist visited King Trebort to negotiate a deal, because he needed some of Teacup Land’s valuable mineral porcelain to repair the Botany Bay. The King thereupon challenged him to a staring contest (staring contests being declared as the official sport of Teacup Land) with the Teaborg. Unfortunately, the Teaborg cheated by kicking Antagonist in the family jewels, thereby making the staring contest null and void. However it turned out that he had not really kicked the Antagonist, he had kicked an inflatable dummy of the Antagonist, and the Antagonist was now nowhere to be found. Frustrated, he accidentally kicked King Trebort in the family jewels. The King thereupon stripped him of all honors, and threw him out.

It was then that a man by the name of Fvillha arrived. He was on a quest, from the Legion of the White Rose, to find Empress Donatra’s teacup, and was offering an alliance to Teacup Land. Meanwhile Antagonist, under the promise of receiving stew made of infidels, revealed an evil plot by King Mocha to drain the Tea River with a giant sink made of porcelain. He was then going to fill the now-empty Tea River with Coffee, and claim the surrounding lands for himself. Upon hearing this, the King was enraged, and ordered him thrown into the dungeon and pelted with cold used teabags. Also at this time, Arsinoe, being much troubled by the offers from King Mocha, nearly left Teacup Land; however, King Trebort, seeing his distress, ordered him to take a vacation on Ruby Island. Even that, however, did not seem to cheer him up. Meanwhile the Coffee Cup began to cast an ominous shadow over the Forum lands. A thread was made which was devoted to coffee, the perpetrator stated “Sorry, my coffee cup made me post this…”. The Unknown Gorn Captain joined them in the revelry of all things coffee, while King Trebort and Princess Teska tried desperately to dissuade them.

The Coffee-lovers soon disbanded on their own, although it is suspected that the damage was already done, and the seeds sown for a new generation. After again finding himself without a home, the Unknown Gorn Captain joined the Hot Cocoa Pirates of Fearsome Cliff. It was also around this time that the Antagonist’s sidekick, Minioneer, first appeared. It is unknown where he came from, even the Antagonist doesn’t know. This was also the time that the Cardassian Vole appeared. He saved the Holy Teacup and was promoted to the King’s personal spy when he bit Sarreous’s toe after he attempted to steal the Holy Teacup. Arsinoe continued to be in a rather depressed mood, the King therefore promoted him to General of the Royal Legion to attempt to soothe him. This resulted in a temporary lift of his spirits, therefore he and Duke Cloaked Warbird set out and captured the Unknown Gorn Captain traitor, whereupon the King sentenced him to the dungeons to be fattened for stew. The Vole replaced him, and took it upon himself to fulfill the duties of the Teaborg, despite the fact that he was only a Vole, and not, in fact, a Teaborg. He placed nine combination locks on the door to the Tower where the Holy Teacup rested, and also installed a state of the art Cardassian-designed alarm system.

Arsinoe continued to be depressed, and at one time even considered creating an Order of the Coffee Bean; he was quickly persuaded to repent however. A friend of his, Rachalair, continued to plague the Order for several days, and made several attempts on King Trebort’s life, by throwing flash grenades at him and then beaming back to his ship. The situation was settled by his commanding officer, and he was not heard from again. At this time another new member joined, by the name of Krent. He earned immediate distinction for arriving with a replica of the Teacup already in hand. Soon after his arrival, he accompanied Duke Cloaked Warbird and the Vole on a divine quest in search of the Golden Baked Cake, to go with their afternoon tea. He was also given the assignment of Sherriff of Teacup Land, after someone stole the frosting off of one of Princess Teska’s chocolate cupcakes, and it was revealed that there was as yet no law enforcement in Teacup Land

The Teacup Wars
And then a shadow fell across Teacup Land, and the great Teacup Wars began.

The first was when the scattered Beer Nation was rallied by the evil Hitting Smoke when he began the Order of the Beer Mug. So began a conflict that would last months. It was fought mostly with YouTube videos and pictures, and was summed up in the now-famous words of Krent, “Excellent retorts, let our battles not be fought with sword or even pen, but with YouTube and Jpeg!” To which Baron Hoodmario replied “FOR YOUTUBIA!!!!” And so became our battle cry. The battle waged on night and day, with brutal insults traded back and forth hourly. The Beer Muggers, at first severely outnumbered, grew in numbers and strength, and soon threatened to destroy everything we held dear. The struggle attracted the attention of even the most casual visitors to the Forum lands. Even the Devs and nomadic Community Reps traveled from their far away land the Domain of Development to view the spectacle. Threats were made, and thwarted, as the brave citizens of the two lands rushed to defend themselves. But at last a truce was struck, and the Beer Muggers were banished from Teacup Land, confined to their own thread, where they plotted their revenge. King Trebort stated “We are lucky this day, that we defeated the Order of the Beer Mug with only strong words. Henceforth, this day shall be known as Victory Day! Free Sticky Buns, Cake and assorted Teabags to everyone!” And so, with the promise of sticky buns to all, the hostilities ceased. Tensions remained high between the two Orders however, and there were occasional brief terrorist attacks made by both sides until the Order of the Beer Mug was sucked into the first black hole, never to be seen or heard from again.

In the second Teacup War, a crusade was begun in the distant land of Popolo, lead by Arsinoe and the Royal Legion. It was around this time that Arsinoe began to have delusions of grandeur, and began to style himself as the heir to the throne upon the death of King Trebort. This greatly worried many of Teacup Land; their fears were confirmed when Arsinoe began the Order of the Pie, and made himself King Arsinoe the First of Pieland. His actions hurt the King deeply, and in his rage, he ordered that Arsinoe be stripped of all honors, with his Dukedom revoked, and ordered that he be executed in the vilest form possible. Pie was outlawed in Teacup Land, and so began yet another war, this one against Arsinoe and the Pie-Lovers. For many days there was an uneasy silence across the lands as both leaders tried to spy on the other, seeking out each other’s weaknesses. During this time the Antagonist made the best of the situation, and worked as a double agent for both sides. The Order of the Pie offered peace to the Order of the Beer Mug, and entered into an alliance with them and the Order of the Tang.

Meanwhile other orders, encouraged by the existence of the Order of the Beer Mug and the Order of the Pie, began to form. The Syndicate of the Coffee Cup was the first, but it was followed by many others: The Order of 8472's, The Order of the Catnip, The Order of the Titans, The Order of the All Powerful Topekaguy1988, The Order of the Norse Drinking Horn, The Order of ______, The Order of Ovaltine, and The Order of Q. None of them lasted very long however, with most only going a few pages before withering out, and the Order of the All Powerful Topekaguy1988 being the most threatening at nearly 5 pages. Fortunately, the noble King Trebort, being a fair and just king, ordered that Princess Teska send a letter to the leaders of all of the different Orders, requesting an ambassador from each of them be sent to a peace conference to determine their loyalties in the Teacup vs. Pie war. Most of the Orders merely sent a letter back indicating their neutrality in the matter, and the ones that did send an ambassador were quickly intimidated by the wealth and power that King Trebort and King Arsinoe each had at their command. They were also slightly frightened by the fact that King Trebort, insisting on attending the conference himself, nearly murdered the other diplomats while sleepwalking. Within a few weeks, all of the other Orders had been swallowed up by the darkness of the Forum lands.

Important Dates
July 23, 2009 - King Trebort founded Teacup Land

January 12, 2010 - Teacup Land is sucked into a black hole and lands in the Evil Archives of Doom

January 19, 2010 - King Trebort pulls Teacup Land through the mystic portal at the back of the Royal Wardrobe and lands in Ten Forward

January 29, 2010 - Teacup Land is sucked into a different black hole, locking everyone out.

February 2, 2010 - Sir Hoody re-opens Teacup Land in another dimension